355.8 today - that's down 6.6 pounds - that is only a .6lb loss for the week of the cheater... Since I have just started, I guess we the rule will be that I round up, sound good?
0 Comments
Yesterday evening and all day today, I couldn't get enough food! No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I wasn't hungry, or how much I ate it just didn't seem to be enough & the thought of a shake was icky. I tried to stay healthy, but ate ALL of the healthy food and snacks that I had purchased to last the week. Hopefully this is yet another indicator that I definitely need this operation & not a sign of things to come! So what is it I ate today you ask.... Tons of beef jerky, thinly sliced colby/jack cheese, a piece of chocolate cake, 2 avocados, a few skittles, hot wings and then some! Dear Me, I love you. I want you to be successful, so I am writing you this letter to help you remember what you already know. When times get tough I know you will regret this decision so I am writing this to remind you of why you started this journey! Remember ... at about three weeks you will have a weight loss stall. If you don't have it at three weeks, you will have it soon enough. This is your body adjusting to the rapid lose of weight. Trust the process, put away the scale, increase calories and exercise and keep keeping on. Stalls suck, but everyone has them. You will stall at some point, even while you're doing everything right. The stall will eventually break. They always do. You had valid and compelling reasons for doing this. Remember the pain. Remember the battle. There were reasons. Your job now is to work hard and not blow this. You have a choice: Return to your previous habits or Stay the course ... which will it be? Seriously. There are only two options. The only thing that would be worse than being fat would be being fat after having had your stomach amputated... so really there is only the one choice! DRINK DRINK DRINK - You cannot afford dehydration! PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN - I can't stress it enough... You have to get it in. FIND A WAY TO GET IT IN. You can put yourself in a stall if you don't get enough AND your muscles will atrophy so fast!!! They make flavorless and natural flavor protein powders now, so explore away! But do NOT forget it. Just because you don't have heartburn or reflux actually 'coming up' doesn't mean you are not having acid issues within the sleeve. Take the antacids for the first couple months at least - acid can be mistaken for hunger. Hunger - keep an open mind and allow your sleeve to heal. You will find, once the sleeve is no longer swollen and angry and you are eating more normal foods again that you actually were not really hungry after all. I know it is hard to imagine, but you will just have to hang through it and see what I mean once you are on the other side. Take antacids, drink lots of fluids....you will make it through. Also, did you take the stool softeners? I told you to take the stool softeners. You really don't want to experience weeks of constipation! Oh, the pills are hard to take? Does it come in a LIQUID? Use your brain, future me. Yes, you can. Are you bummed? Talk to someone! You have an amazing support system, take advantage of them. Write a blog post that always helps. You ever thought about talking to God? Don't let this spiral out of control. Get up and get moving! Here are some things that we knew going into this:
And don't forget to MOVE! No matter how little, how awkward, whether you sweat or don't sweat~ find something you like to get you MOVING!! I am proud of you!!! Weight calculated at www.ilostwhat.com
When I was contemplating having this surgery... in Mexico, there was one very important person that I had dreaded facing. One person I knew would question my judgement and play devils advocate, One person who would tell me I was crazy, one person who would be hurt there was no way she could join me & one person who would insist on a minute by minute play as the surgery took place! I knew this because this is exactly how I would expect to react to her if the roles were reversed. So like any mature person would do, I dropped hints about the sx then changed the subject. When I finally told her, her reaction was exactly as I had expected! It took a couple of days for her to warm up to the idea, and now she had better be prepared to be the nutrition tab to all of my Google searches! We both have a few close knit friends, but at the end of the day, she is the one I'd hide a body for! Speaking of hiding a body ... I cannot begin to tell you all that we have been through together, party lines, white trash bashes & photo shoots, but its the big things that kept is strong... Relationships: Chicken burgers, star gazers, love note, parking lot brawls, bailes, t-shirt dresses, celebratory bonfires & lottery tickets ... enough said! Children: We were there for the 1st day of everyone of our children's life's, I MAY have burst with pride watching her kids receive awards or perform, our kids know that they are "family" and are expected to stand up for each other, and they do! Families: Parents- UGH ... Grandparent - the tears that come from them getting older ... Siblings - When the pressure of being the eldest gets to be too much! ... for rich, for poor, in sickness, in health, in happiness and in sorrow... Ha...Maybe we should have married each other ... heaven knows this is the longest relationship either one of us has had! Nicki is literally my "person," we come as a package deal, ask our boss! One of the biggest hang-ups I had when making this decision was that the people I love would be no less than a world away, and she was one of the faces that popped into my mind when I struggled with it! I don't think that either one of us are over the fact that I will be so far away, but 40 days out we have learned to accept it. Facebook talk will be busy that week! Tonight she shared 23 Promises Every Girl Should Make To Her Best Friends And Keep Forever ... I couldn't have said it better She's my best friend...Down 5 pounds in 2 weeks ... preop of course ... not a fan of being such a slow loser and am excited to know that soon the losing will speed up. The best part though is that my mindset is changing. This morning the kids were talking about nutty bars and I couldn't even stomach the thought of a Little Debbie snack for breakfast. I have started really realizing that a protein shake will keep me full. This week I have survived on a small bowl of soup and an avocado for lunch sometimes even less. I'm convincing myself this it's doable. I'm starting to learn about proteins and the balance between healthy and unhealthy. We went out to eat last night and I left the house thinking it would be one of the last time I could order whatever I wanted off the menu. I was really craving a steak so we headed to Applebees. My go-to meal there is steak parmesan with shrimp and garlic mashed potatoes. Last night I looked over the menu and without even giving it a second thought I ordered the steak brochette which was on the under 500 calories menu. It was a steak with a stuffed mushroom and red potatoes, not complete a sleever meal but so much better than I have done in the past. I did though order a diet Pepsi and pretzels for dessert. I've decided between now and the surgery that I will start changing my eating habits but I won't deprive myself of the things I want to indulge in before I can't have them again! This is working pretty well for me because last week I had a mini snack size Snickers bar and A chicken cordon bleu sandwich from Arby's. I've been working on Jaxen too because I think the change is going to be hard on him. After I have the surgery and the weight is falling off of me, I am concerned about what his reaction will be. Last night I got him and Kaid to order steak off of the kids menu with no fuss, then when I told them they could have a shooter glass dessert, he flipper because it was "too small." There are days he does awesome and on Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday of this week he made shakes with me drink them for breakfast and didn't even eat breakfast at school. Then at lunch he was sensible. On Thursday I thought I would change up his daily shake and add orange juice he was in a bad mood to start with and refused to drink the shake, he ate breakfast at school and was back to his old habit of getting second on cereal. That was the beginning of the end so to speak at church the night before we had argued about him being in the front of the line. We had a mini meltdown one night this week too when he threw a cracker at my head because I wouldn't let him make tuna at 10 o'clock that night then he flopped down on the couch and said that I was starving him he was just going to crawl up there and die ... he fell asleep and was fine. That is something I would have said to my mom at my worst. He has an obsession with food that is like a drug addiction. Since moving him to a different class at school he has lost about 6 pounds, but if the scales are right he put most of that weight back on. I'm not really sure what to say and do for him and I just pray everyday about the situation. He's been spending time with Mr. Parks, his therapist, and they are working through all of the issues. They spend time in the cafeteria serving lunch, they talk about what might be bothering Jax and to be honest Jax is a tough egg to crack, he is resistant to all of the charm & minimizes all of the issues. Sometimes I wish there was a magic button that I could flip for his sake, but I will fall on the next best thing... prayer.... Father God, As I scroll through my Facebook news feed, I stumbled on this picture. I had a quick burst of anxiety ... Reality has set in! 'Is this really going to be a meal to me?' I shared it with Sunny wondering if I was crazy. After all she is the one who has vowed to go on this journey with me, for rich or for poor, in sickness or in health. I told her I thought that this process may challenge me more mentally than I had once thought. Her advice, was nothing I haven't heard before on many occasions. It is sound advice and is usually useful to me when I heed to it. What is this Earth shaking advice that she gave to me you ask? She simply said to me, "stop thinking!" So for now that's what I plan on doing! To say that I have become slightly obsessed with the scale would be an understatement. I step on it 2 or 3 times a day, but that is nothing out of the ordinary, I have done that for years, so I am fairly confident that I am not on the verge of developing an eating disorder. Anyway ... Since I decided to kick off a light pre-op diet early and work my way up to the big one, I have been committed to 2 protein shakes a day, a boiled egg or veggie soup for a snack and a regular meal. I have cut my calorie intake a little more each day. I felt like the shake at breakfast was going really well and even the healthy lunch was successful. I have really cut back evening portion sizes and even upped H2O intake. As a result I have gained!!! Water weight you say!?!? Well it is that water weight that leads to the discouragement that leads directly to regular diet failure! It is this frustration that sends me to Tijuana! Over the weekend Sunny gave me a gift, a Blender Bottle. It is basically a bottle with it's own little whisky ball thingy, so it mixes powdered shakes beautifully! That new gadget, coupled with my excitement has kicked me into a shake for b-fast, shake for lunch prep mode. I have to be honest it has never been so easy before to just say, 'I think I will have a protein shake instead of breakfast.' It is happening, a change in my mind set. Over the last month Michael and I have also had to make some tough decisions regarding Jaxen. Without going into too much detail, there were some things going on that we felt were effecting him in a very damaging way. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt like he had elevated stress, anxiety & depression. I have written about his food addiction before and we feel like the situation was contributing to the compulsive behaviors. The fist of January, we decided to take control of the situation and make some major changes. I am shocked by the changes I have seen so far. In 1 week there have been considerably less tears, he is becoming more confident, but the best part; he is the sweet little boy who isn't so angry, who desires to please & be helpful & who sings all the time that he had stuck deep down in there somewhere! My little boy is back! Sure there is still work to do, and some permanent damage has been done, not only mentally and emotionally but physically, which is evident in the 10 pounds he has gained. Jax and I are both happy to report though that he has lost 1.5 pounds since we made the change and feel like now that that stress has been removed we can both relax and focus on what really matters and that is his happiness! Hooray! The tickets have been secured!Thank goodness for Sunny... I cannot begin to explain the confusion that ensued in this ticket buying process. I began looking way way back in the beginning and asking questions and researching. If you have been following me you also know the anxieties I have had in this whole airline process. It literally took me a week to figure out how on earth we would board a plane at 6:10 am have a layover for 50 minutes and land at 9 am yet they were calling it a 5 hour flight ... yes yes now I know ... the time difference... boy do I feel like a ding dong!
So will this plane ticket buy us happiness? Nope, but it is a ticket to the next step toward making some positive changes in our lives! Today has been the most relaxing day I have had in a very long time. I had no plans, the boys were at my dads, the girls hid out in their room and Michael went to cut wood. I sat on the couch the entire morning watching youtube videos, researching the surgery and home organizing tips. I later got to go snuggle with my brand new nephew Charlie. Sometimes a mom just needs a day like today! As I watched and researched, a new fear set in ... am I going to get "too skinny?" By too skinny, I don't mean 95 pounds skinny ... I mean I hope am not one of those people who is just meant to be fat and looks ill skinny. I think until the last 50-80 pounds, I carried my weight pretty well. I fear that I will be one who looks older and uglier as I get thinner. I have heard and actually witnessed several people who have rapidly lost their weight, and my first thought is " are they sick?" When in reality they still had 75-80 pounds to lose until they made goal. I am not really sure what I will do to avoid this feeling, but my guess is that I will just power through it like I have done with every fear up to this point. If you have any suggestions or words of wisdom, please share! So I'm filling out my paperwork today and reading all of the fine print. It looks like there are a couple of things that might be an issue, and I feel compelled to pray about them. First of all we are required to arrive to the San Diego Airport between the hours of 9am & 7pm. What is the problem one might ask? well the problem is that the most affordable tickets I can find has us arriving in the 11:00pm hour. When I search for tickets that will put us there during our contracted times the prices are considerably higher.Back to the drawing board on this one. The second issue is that there are different BMI levels in which you must start your pre op clear liquid diet. This makes me curious, if you're already a big girl and the bigger you are the earlier you have to start this diet. How do they expect you to go for 5 weeks on a clear liquid diet? If I were able to go for five weeks surviving only on clear liquids then wouldn't it stand to reason that O would not need the surgery. I am curious to know how many people actually strictly follow this guideline. They say that the clear liquid diet is to reduce your fatty liver or pancreas and prepares your for the life style change. They say that if your liver is too fatty they may not be able to do the surgery that makes me scared. I don't have time nor do I have the money to waste to go all the way to Mexico and find out that my liver is too fat to do the surgery. However is it necessary to waste my very last 5 weeks eating real food on clear liquids? OH THE HUMANITY! I guess I will start water intake today, I added a little of Brandi's voodoo juice for a change. Update...
You know those people that you meet and you know that they are destined to be in your life for a long time? You have an instant connection with them. You know you can trust them and you would adopt them into your very own family if you could. That's how we feel about our very own Sunny. In May 2012 our family changed forever when we brought Dacota home to live with us. With that decision came a lot of new responsibilities, a lot of new rules, and a lot of new people making decisions that would effect this little girl forever, you quickly learn to question everyone and everything. Somewhere along the way, Dacota's parents were ordered to attend supervised visits, and we were so lucky when the court appointed Sunny to supervise those visits. From the very 1st time I dropped Dacota off I knew that I could trust Sunny to take good care of that girl and keep her parents in line. When Dacota was awarded to us permanently and her visits were over, we were pretty bummed that we wouldn't see her every week and decided that we would unofficially adopt her as our Aunt Sunny. Since then, I have called on this woman countless times for advice or a big dose of honesty. By now you know that she and I have committed to have the gastric sleeve surgery together. We have settled into our sleeve buddies roles pretty well I think. I am the researcher, she has the follow through. I am the cheerleader, she's the motivator. I am the dreamer, she is the level headed one. So far along the way we have each given each other just enough push to take the next step. I look forward to this journey with her. Happy Birthday Sunny Brooks, thanks for putting up with the Price family! Welcome to the last day of 2014. What does a fabulous fat babe such as myself wear on New Year’s Eve? The same thing I wear every single day! I'll be seeing the New Year hanging out with a couple of friends, this is new for us. We generally hang out with family & our kids, but this year we are shaking it up, and laying around the Kilby house.No wild parties, No big plans, just spending time with each other & some really fun people. That means Comfy clothes. It'll be like the kidless days ... oh wait, we never had kidless days. This is the last year though that I ring in the New Year not looking cute! I don't care if we celebrate at home, I will look & feel good doing it! This is also the last year that adult beverage intake is even a possibility, so i guess we will see where that bus takes me. I am thinking not very far though, since that lifestyle took a back seat a long time ago. I have been thinking about Vlogging a little bit on here and tonight might be the perfect night to test out my skills. Don't know what a Vlog is? It's basically a video blog, actually it is a Video Blog. Be excited, I know that I am! If there is one thing that has made me nervous about this trip, it is the flight. Not being in the air or plunging to my death, I am nervous that I will be too fat for the seat. I have heard all of the horror stories about big people getting kicked off of the flight or being made to pay for an extra seat. I am scared to death that one of these scenarios would happen to me. How Ironic would it be that the one barrier between me and WLS would be my weight. I have to have a seat that accommodates my size, but it has to be affordable. After countless google searches, phone calls and personal experiments I think I have a plan. First I researched seat width, if we fly economy class the seats are 17.2 inches wide and in 1st class they are 21 inches. The price difference is HUGE, so I would like to fly economy if possible. I measured my seat at work, in which I can sit very comfortably, it is 23 inches wide, this scares me ... that is bigger than the biggest airline seat. I then went to the movies in Neosho, I can sit in these seats, not terribly comfortable, but I can do it. I prefer to have a seat between me and my neighbor, but if my neighbor is my hubby I will survive. Today I swallowed my pride and called that theater to ask them the width of their chairs. I was blessed to tears when the man on the other end of the phone offered to measure them for me. I sat on hold for a could of minutes when he returned breathless he described in detail the measurements he had taken. The seats are 17.5 inches wide along the bottom and 25 inches between cup holders! These #'s make me happy, I am hopeful that I can squeeze this behind into the 17.2 inch seat. I found a great resource called www.seatguru.com on this site I was able to enter my flight number and check out passenger comments on the seats. Delta does offer an upgrade to fly economy comfort, which according to the airline gives you extra leg room and a little more room to spread out and is only $30/person, seatguru doesn't seem to completely back these claims but 4 extra inches at the feet is better than nothing. I will also be heeding the advice of Emmie of authenticallyemmie.com , these are her tips, I feel like if she can do it at 455 pounds I can do it at 360.
I read that American Airlines may be the most Big friendly, but I feel like Delta will be just as accommodating, and less expensive. I plan on posting an update after I have actually flown for those of you who are curious about flying yourself. Fat gets in the way of everything, it even effects the holiday season .... through the years I have learned to tolerate it, but this is the last year for that. Let me break it down for the skinny's of the world ... On the 1st day of Christmas .... Wrapping all of the gifts! There is no comfortable way to do this ... a a fluffy person you are cursed with T-Rex arms... you cant reach the end of the roll to make a straight cut and reaching over the extra big boxes is particularly hard. I know most people wrap standing at a table or counter... but I do my best work sitting down, so I am forced to the floor and end up scooting around to reach the next gift feel around in the "blind spots" where the pen, tape or scissors have disappeared to. On the 2nd day of Christmas .... Christmas decorating - The energy just isn't there we have great ideas and high hopes of what our house will become over the holiday's and with the invention of FB and pintrest it have only gotten worse, we compare our home to all the cutesy ones we see online. I cannot believe how worn out sorting and fluffing all the tree limbs made me. So, when we are forced to leave the big stuff up to the hubby and the kids, it looks more like redneck granny Griswold hosted holiday central at our place. On the 3rd day of Christmas... Holiday shopping ... I can last 3 hours max! That is going at my own pace, on a mission, with a list and frequent breaks. After the 2nd hour my dogs start barkin' and the send a message to my brain that is received loud and clear "Get this fat girl off of us!" My shopping trips are broken up into segments, I had to make 6 trips this year! On the 4th day of Christmas ... Matching family footie jammies ... yep they do not make those for me... I am lucky to find a night gown in my size, there is no way that I will find 6 sets of jammies that match and accommodate all of our specialty sizing needs! On the 5th day of Christmas .... Christmas parades ... Parade routes can be very long and winding, and once you are committed to walking the route there is no backing out! So this year after spending 3 hours decorating the school float I couldn't decide whether I should walk or ride... my swollen ankle had been giving me fits so a co-worker convinced me at the last minute to ride... I stepped up on the stool to gracefully board the float when they start shouting "he's moving!" I ever so un-gracefully do a walrus flop onto the float, butt in the air for all of the unfortunate walkers to see... Lesson #52 fat girls can't fly! On the 6th day of Christmas ... ugly sweater day! The purpose of Ugly Sweater day is not to make the sweater uglier with your body, but somehow I pull it off. When you are as big as me, you are forced to create your own ugly sweater, DIY style! There aren't just 100's of them laying on the shelves of goodwill awaiting your purchase. On the 7th day of Christmas ... Thigh chaffing ... Dressing-up for Christmas parties or programs will always make a fat girl cringe. Making a decision to wear a dress is killer, your thighs are set on fire round about hour #2. On the 8th day of Christmas .... wearing the same decent casual outfit to every gathering and changing the scarf because you only have 1 pair of jeans and 1 cute dressy t-shirt. Sure my floor is covered with a mountain of clothes that are dingy, worn, torn, too small, or just plain ugly! At this point though I refuse to purchase anything else in this size!!! On the 9th day of Christmas ... Cameras everywhere .... so many people attempting to capture the moment and post them on facebook... It makes me so proud to have these floating around! On the 10th day of Christmas .... Holiday cleanup is NEVER fun... but it is even less fun when you have zero it sucks to move around! On the 11th day of Christmas ... Church Christmas program fruit & candy bags ... yes most of the candy is ooky ... yes it is worse mixed together ...and I would never ever buy it just to eat it ... those icky pink things and orange slices are generally gagalicious ... but I cannot resist the nostalgia! On the 12th day of Christmas ... Silver Dollar City, enjoying time with the family is super important to me. Trips like this one are cut short because my feet are killing me, and squeezing around the crowd is unbearable.
Wrapping up a few much needed Christmas shopping items today so Kaid and I stopped in to Maurices. I can remember shopping here in HS and the minute I stepped into the store knew this is where I will be restocking my wardrobe. I know all of you well meaning Maurices pro's are saying "they have plus sized clothes there" ... they do.... but they are cute shaped pluses and do not cover me ... yet. It is moments like this that make be beyond excited to take the plunge! I plan on taking full advantage of the "take 10 card!" Can't wait to go on a shopping spree!
Today I finally got a chance to apply for my passport. I tried to look as Fat Girl as I could in this picture since it will likely be my last legal fat pic OR that's just the way I look, neck rolls and all! I thought the star scarf was a good touch and completely unplanned. I had just bought it minutes before for Jess for Christmas (Shh,) and thought I needed a scarf in the pic so I borrowed it! The fella told me not to smile, so I have, as my sister calls it, a RBF, makes me look mad all the time, ask Michael. There's a lot of "What's wrong?" "nothing, I'm just resting!" convo in my house. I know it is a simple task, and it is necessary for this trip. It is a process that was new to me though and since I intend on this blog being helpful for those who follow me, I think I need to put step by step details in case a fear of the unknown gives someone the excuse to not go through with it. So here it is... What you need to know when applying for your passport |
This weight loss is only from June 2015 (I had lost another 51 pounds prior to this)
Blog MissionIt has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I feel like God opened the right doors at the right time. My vision for this blog is not only to document and share my journey with those who care, but also to encourage those who may be following in my footsteps. First and foremost though, I want to give all the glory to God & to focus on his plan for me throughout the journey. What you talkin' 'bout?VSG = Vertical Gastric Sleeve Categories
All
Archives
November 2016
Comments
|