Down 5 pounds in 2 weeks ... preop of course ... not a fan of being such a slow loser and am excited to know that soon the losing will speed up. The best part though is that my mindset is changing. This morning the kids were talking about nutty bars and I couldn't even stomach the thought of a Little Debbie snack for breakfast. I have started really realizing that a protein shake will keep me full. This week I have survived on a small bowl of soup and an avocado for lunch sometimes even less. I'm convincing myself this it's doable. I'm starting to learn about proteins and the balance between healthy and unhealthy. We went out to eat last night and I left the house thinking it would be one of the last time I could order whatever I wanted off the menu. I was really craving a steak so we headed to Applebees. My go-to meal there is steak parmesan with shrimp and garlic mashed potatoes. Last night I looked over the menu and without even giving it a second thought I ordered the steak brochette which was on the under 500 calories menu. It was a steak with a stuffed mushroom and red potatoes, not complete a sleever meal but so much better than I have done in the past. I did though order a diet Pepsi and pretzels for dessert. I've decided between now and the surgery that I will start changing my eating habits but I won't deprive myself of the things I want to indulge in before I can't have them again! This is working pretty well for me because last week I had a mini snack size Snickers bar and A chicken cordon bleu sandwich from Arby's. I've been working on Jaxen too because I think the change is going to be hard on him. After I have the surgery and the weight is falling off of me, I am concerned about what his reaction will be. Last night I got him and Kaid to order steak off of the kids menu with no fuss, then when I told them they could have a shooter glass dessert, he flipper because it was "too small." There are days he does awesome and on Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday of this week he made shakes with me drink them for breakfast and didn't even eat breakfast at school. Then at lunch he was sensible. On Thursday I thought I would change up his daily shake and add orange juice he was in a bad mood to start with and refused to drink the shake, he ate breakfast at school and was back to his old habit of getting second on cereal. That was the beginning of the end so to speak at church the night before we had argued about him being in the front of the line. We had a mini meltdown one night this week too when he threw a cracker at my head because I wouldn't let him make tuna at 10 o'clock that night then he flopped down on the couch and said that I was starving him he was just going to crawl up there and die ... he fell asleep and was fine. That is something I would have said to my mom at my worst. He has an obsession with food that is like a drug addiction. Since moving him to a different class at school he has lost about 6 pounds, but if the scales are right he put most of that weight back on. I'm not really sure what to say and do for him and I just pray everyday about the situation. He's been spending time with Mr. Parks, his therapist, and they are working through all of the issues. They spend time in the cafeteria serving lunch, they talk about what might be bothering Jax and to be honest Jax is a tough egg to crack, he is resistant to all of the charm & minimizes all of the issues. Sometimes I wish there was a magic button that I could flip for his sake, but I will fall on the next best thing... prayer.... Father God,
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..... women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 1 Timothy 5:14 Instead of our regular Sunday night mission visit to Yarbrough, we had to attend our Church because the kids had to practice for the Christmas program. They are studying the Book of 1 Timothy and Brother Jared brought up something that stuck with me. He asked if we knew what it meant in 1 Timothy 5:14 when they say "guide the house" other translations say "manage the House" after a few attempts at explanation from church members he explained that he believes that it is the woman who sets the tone for her home. Her attitude sets the mood. What she does is a direct result of what make the house a home. It hit me, The hormonal issue I have due to my weight really effect my home. They obviously effect my attitude, but they also keep me from doing more to make this place a home. I want my husband and children to feel like this is the one place they can go to retreat. That my attitude will be calm and Christ like in order to set the standards for their future. I can try as hard as I can, but I am expecting the shift in my hormones to be huge. I am expecting an even personality without all of the hormone surges. My attitude about the surgery and weightloss before and after will make a HUGE impact on the health of my family also. It is a lot of responsibility and something no one tells you about. Father God, I ask you to be with me tonight as I prepare my heart for this journey. I pray that the changes it brings in my life and the life of my family set the attitude of the family.Thank you for opening my eyes to what a bad attitude or poor personality might do to my family. I know that it is what I do that will effect who they become. Give me patience and consistency, give me discernment and wisdom everyday Lord to grow them into amazing Husbands and Wives who teach their families to live for You! Let the choices I make influence the choices they make in a positive way. Help me to be the wife my husband deserves. That I am able to set the tone of our home in such a way that he desires to be here. That he experiences overwhelming joy when he is at home and that the stresses of our daily lives do not stand in between us and a loving relationship in which we honor you 1st and foremost. Thank You for Your grace and love, In His Holy Name, Amen We have a Date! MARCH 9th, 2015 ... that is the day our lives are set to changes! Step 2 is complete, "Our Girl" is out of the office sick, so we will pay our deposit when she gets back, but we have been assured that our date is set! Feelings Today {Excited} to get this show on the road already {Nervous} the pain will be more than I expect {Uncertain} about how I will react to spending that many days, that far away from my Kids {Wondering} Should I make a living will before I go {Hopeful} that I will gain what I am looking for {Apprehensive} about flying {Eager} to put this behind me {Passionate} about my decision Heavenly Father, I just want to thank you so much for this opportunity. I pray that you are with Sunny and I as we go through this process. Please speak to us along the way sending us sparks of encouragement as we go along. You know our doubts, our fears, and our limitations, please keep us focused, calm & excited not only for the surgery, but in the months that follow. Be with all of the professional staff, even this far ahead, as they prepare to do what they do best, especially our surgeon, pump him full of any knowledge he might need to treat any unique situation that may arise with either one of us. I pray that you use me as a testimony and a witness for you and that all that comes from this journey only glorifies your name, that it makes you famous for what you do! Please be with our families and those who love us, give them the insight to accept what we have decided to do, give them peace as we travel to Mexico and give them patience as we tread unknown waters. and Always always, thank you for putting people and opportunities in my life, and setting events into motion that have lead me to today! I love you and honor you! In Jesus Name, Amen Today Sunny and I had an appointment to chat with our coordinator, we were going to conference call and set the date for the surgery. Today was the day we were set to pay our deposit, to lock in the date, from this day on there would be no turning back! Today, our coordinator messaged me to let us know she was down with the flu, so we would have to hold off on the appointment until tomorrow. I have always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, in fact in my StrengthQuest class I have found that Connectedness is one of my top 5 strengths. So, I couldn't help but take this as a sign; Is this Gods way of telling me that the surgery isn't for me? is the hospital not all it is cracked up to be? It is times like this in the quiet peacefulness after all of the kiddos have hit the sack that I sit and talk to God, just he and I, talking about life, searching my heart, just getting to know each other. It is often that he reveals himself to me through mindless web browsing. Tonight, I just couldn't shake Michael's initial question... "is it biblical?" I had prayed about it and even quoted verses and justified my thoughts to him and others, but I had never searched the thoughts of other Christians. So tonight I searched "A Christian's view on weightloss surgery." Today my 10 year old son decided to finally get back on the scale, he called me in and we read it together 171 it said ... shock ... sadness ... disappointment in myself! He played football summer long and gained 6 pounds, I can't believe it, when did it come to this? I don't know what to do, it's a downward spiral and we have to get a hold of it. I hate it for him he burst into tears and I all I can do is hug him and move on. I didn't know how to comfort him. That night I talked to my boys about having the surgery and about the reasons I wanted to have the it. We were in the car on the way to pick up our foster daughter. Kaidan and I were talking about his fears, and I hear Jax in the background sobbing and saying "I hate myself because I'm fat." I can't believe I let it go that far I can't believe we took it so far that my poor baby hates himself and it's all my fault, so for this I have to have the surgery, I have to change who I am so that I can change who he is and hopefully in this he sees that it's for health reasons. Hopefully I get the energy to run with him, hopefully I figure out how to feed my family and change our lives. That's the day I decided to have gastric sleeve surgery, if for nothing more than for him. I have to change what we do! I have to get through to him though that the surgery is not the answer. I don't want him to think that he can go through life and eat and eat as much as he wants until he's old enough to have the surgery, and that will fix it. I want him to know that it stops today... now to the hard part, figuring out how to make that happen. Lucky for me I have access to 1 of the best therapist in the area, Mr. Parks is amazing and I've spoken with him and he's agreed to see J. Lord Jesus, I come to you and I pray for my family father, Please comfort Jaxen and help him to keep his personality and gain confidence. I pray he learns to love himself the way everyone else does, help him to see himself through the eyes of those around him and not through fat glasses. Please father be with me as I try to change my families life and be with families who may be suffering from the same thing. I pray that my baby does not have to suffer the way that I have had to suffer. Be with Mr Parks, give him the knowledge to tackle this situation. I pray that you also give me the knowledge and the strength that I need throughout this journey and give Jax the insight to know the surgery is not because I hate myself but because I love myself. Thank you for the opportunities that you've given us and the family that you've given us. In Jesus name, Amen *It is important to note that I later found out he had grown 3 inches throughout the summer ... and weighed 6 pounds less 2 weeks later. |
This weight loss is only from June 2015 (I had lost another 51 pounds prior to this)
Blog MissionIt has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I feel like God opened the right doors at the right time. My vision for this blog is not only to document and share my journey with those who care, but also to encourage those who may be following in my footsteps. First and foremost though, I want to give all the glory to God & to focus on his plan for me throughout the journey. What you talkin' 'bout?VSG = Vertical Gastric Sleeve Categories
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