I am currently obsessed with watching youtube videos by people who have been sleeved. Early on I found Clusie L. She is hilarious, she is real, a little raw, but real!
I am glad she posted this one this week. I have been really thinking about excess skin lately, I am already saggy, so here is to hoping I am a Humpty Dumpty! I also have been worrying since day one that I will miss Fluffy me. I plan on spending the next 98 days enjoying it. Then I will enjoy the new me after that!
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Thanksgiving is it ... The day I condition myself for the entire year! The day I am going to miss the most post-op ! So today I savor it ,.. today I pack it in! We have the honor of celebrating 3 times this year ... 2 down 1 to go! As I pulled the plate higher and higher I honestly couldn't believe how much I was eating thousands & thousands of carb loaded calories. I think it is important to note that I only do dessert on occasion... today was no different ... I enjoyed several servings of homemade cranberry sauce ... yummo! After all these years of stuffing myself I have perfected the art. I noticed when all others were so stuffed they couldn't walk I was over here like .... hmmmm what was so so yummo I need more"
This plate is from party #2 at the Price family feast... I had already dug into whatever was next to the potatoes. Throughout this journey, as I break the news to different people in my life, I discovered reactions are so different. They range from completely shocked and non-supportive to complete compassionate and on board. It's funny how people are either ALL for it or totally against it. I usually don't even start by talking about Mexico, I break them in with the news of the operation, then when the timing is right, I say oh yeah and the operations is in Tijuana. The people who were very supportive, remain supportive, but those who were against it are even more so and tend to blame their apprehension on Mexico. On thanksgiving, I got a text from a friend, it read, - happy thanksgiving, enjoy eating as much as you want of anything.- This person understands my sense of humor & this is the kind of support I appreciate. Just a little comment that says thinking of me every step of the journey. I've said several times that the reason I'm getting the surgery #1 is for my kids ....
I do not want them embarrassed by their mama, and I do not want them following in my footsteps. As you know, Jaxen has had a problem with his weight since he was diagnosed with asthma at about age 2 1/2. He was on steroids and albuterol and he started gaining weight like crazy. When he was on the meds he would eat and eat and eat, when he had an earache or a cough he would eat and eat and eat and it became an obsession with him, like he was filling a void. Sadly, I didn't know enough to stop it, even my pediatrician said, it would be fine we should just maintain as he got taller, Ha no such luck. Today he's a 165 pound 4th grader and for that I'm worried. He wears a mens clothing and it is not fun shopping with him, it is very frustrating for all of us. I love that boy beyond words and nothing he could ever do can change that, I do not ever want him seeing this post and believing otherwise. The truth of the matter is, if I don't do something today I will have a 500 pound 35 year old son, that to me will be devastating, because I know what that weight will bring with it. I feel like he will go through a life of misery, because you see Jaxen, internalizes being fat. I don't remember crying over my weight until I was a teen and it only lasted a minute. In 4th grade alone Jax has cried over his weight countless times. We've been in the dressing room were recently, within minutes, it was like dressing a 15 year old girl and I've been there. I know that you start trying on pants and they don't fit, so you get the next bigger size and it doesn't fit, you keep moving up and eventually you're depressed and just shut down. You hear your siblings in the dressing room next door excited that everything fits, they can pick up their size shirt off the rack and put it on and it fits, they don't have to go back for the next size in the next size and the next size ... eventually you give up trying and you go to the accessories, sunglasses or hats or purses because those will fit no matter what, Kinda. Ultimately, you find yourself sitting by the door, waiting for everyone to finish their shopping while convincing yourself that owning one pair of jeans and 3 shirt are fine , keep your head up and you go on. I have learned to despise shopping and avoid it at all costs. That being said ... I've picked up a few tips and tricks of from being an obese child/person and raising an obese child. I will also share from our journey along the way. I'd like to give some insight to parents who may be going through the same thing.
Bottom line is, it starts with me. I will be posting throughout this journey the things I've learned in raising in a big boy and hopefully by the end of this journey I can celebrate that he, like me, has gotten healthy. I pray everyday that God gives me the wisdom in raising him to teach him what's good and what's not good. Today has been a rough day, a lot to do and a lot of waiting. It is 2 days until my last "fat Thanksgiving" and boy am I excited! It is also 3 days until black Friday so all of the department stores have started their deals. Today while Dacota and I were waiting, I found a scale that was $30 off at Kohls. I have a regular old Walmart scale, sometimes it weighs me and sometimes it says error, sometimes I weight 295 and sometimes I weigh 361, I think that this scale is only set to weigh 370 so I thought maybe I was too heavy for it. So I decided to start my journey with a brand new scale. The scale I found is called Taylor Digital Bathroom Scale (pictured) it will weight up to 400 pounds and it beeps when it is finished. I decided I didn't need anything fancy, nothing that measured BMI or bone mass or memorized 4 different peoples stats. Just a scale that help enough weight and that beeped when it was done, so that I will not continue to move and mess up the results. When I got home I unboxed the new scale, inserted the batteries and read the directions. Stepped on the scales and they beeped ... 293.2 ... WHAT ... so I am not as big as I thought!!! Step off... step on ... beep 295... What? Test it with Kaid..... step on watch feet placement ....beep.... 362.4 .... step off... beep.... 362.4 ... step off... beep.... 362.4 ..... finally some consistency! So here it is the number you have all been waiting for .... my official starting weigh is ... 362.4 pounds ... I cannot believe I am putting this out there for the world to read! Phew... I feel better! Sunny called and paid our deposit, our days are secured and the rooms are secured! I am beyond excited. The last few days I have started realizing exactly how much I will be able to eat once I have the sleeve. That is a bit disturbing, but there is no turning back. I will make it happen! While she paid the deposit, Sunny had to make a few executive decisions, the main one being that we will not go with Dr. Garcia as our main surgeon, but with his partner, Dr. David Vazquez. He has just as much experience as Dr. Garcia, he is just newer to the area, so his cost is less. Dr. Garcia assists him on every single operation and Dr. V assists Dr. G on all of his, so either way we are getting both surgeons. I am very comfortable with this decision, it almost makes me more excited! I did it, I made the decision to change my life ... NOW to tell "My People" ... Who are "My People?" - My People are those who have my back NO MATTER the out come. The people I turn to at a moment's notice and for the most part my very closest family members. I feel like not everyone wants to, nor do they need to hear the details of my every whim, but My People are out of luck, they have no choice! This is how I broke the news all at once in a Facebook group message ..... This is a link to the Dr. I will be using and the facilities ... it answers a lot of questions ... http://www.tijuanabariatrics.com/bariatric-surgery/gastric-sleeve-surgery You are my people so I need you to know .... We have a Date! MARCH 9th, 2015 ... that is the day our lives are set to changes! Step 2 is complete, "Our Girl" is out of the office sick, so we will pay our deposit when she gets back, but we have been assured that our date is set! Feelings Today {Excited} to get this show on the road already {Nervous} the pain will be more than I expect {Uncertain} about how I will react to spending that many days, that far away from my Kids {Wondering} Should I make a living will before I go {Hopeful} that I will gain what I am looking for {Apprehensive} about flying {Eager} to put this behind me {Passionate} about my decision Heavenly Father, I just want to thank you so much for this opportunity. I pray that you are with Sunny and I as we go through this process. Please speak to us along the way sending us sparks of encouragement as we go along. You know our doubts, our fears, and our limitations, please keep us focused, calm & excited not only for the surgery, but in the months that follow. Be with all of the professional staff, even this far ahead, as they prepare to do what they do best, especially our surgeon, pump him full of any knowledge he might need to treat any unique situation that may arise with either one of us. I pray that you use me as a testimony and a witness for you and that all that comes from this journey only glorifies your name, that it makes you famous for what you do! Please be with our families and those who love us, give them the insight to accept what we have decided to do, give them peace as we travel to Mexico and give them patience as we tread unknown waters. and Always always, thank you for putting people and opportunities in my life, and setting events into motion that have lead me to today! I love you and honor you! In Jesus Name, Amen Today Sunny and I had an appointment to chat with our coordinator, we were going to conference call and set the date for the surgery. Today was the day we were set to pay our deposit, to lock in the date, from this day on there would be no turning back! Today, our coordinator messaged me to let us know she was down with the flu, so we would have to hold off on the appointment until tomorrow. I have always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, in fact in my StrengthQuest class I have found that Connectedness is one of my top 5 strengths. So, I couldn't help but take this as a sign; Is this Gods way of telling me that the surgery isn't for me? is the hospital not all it is cracked up to be? It is times like this in the quiet peacefulness after all of the kiddos have hit the sack that I sit and talk to God, just he and I, talking about life, searching my heart, just getting to know each other. It is often that he reveals himself to me through mindless web browsing. Tonight, I just couldn't shake Michael's initial question... "is it biblical?" I had prayed about it and even quoted verses and justified my thoughts to him and others, but I had never searched the thoughts of other Christians. So tonight I searched "A Christian's view on weightloss surgery." I finally did it! I hit submit! Now we wait. This step is like yanking off a bandage ... say a little prayer with the one sitting closest to you and jump. .. at least that's how I did it!
it's the waiting game though that is about to kill me! They say I'll know something within 48 hours... but everytime my email songs I jump... I just need to km know either way what the future holds. I know I must be making Sunny crazy ..... Today my 10 year old son decided to finally get back on the scale, he called me in and we read it together 171 it said ... shock ... sadness ... disappointment in myself! He played football summer long and gained 6 pounds, I can't believe it, when did it come to this? I don't know what to do, it's a downward spiral and we have to get a hold of it. I hate it for him he burst into tears and I all I can do is hug him and move on. I didn't know how to comfort him. That night I talked to my boys about having the surgery and about the reasons I wanted to have the it. We were in the car on the way to pick up our foster daughter. Kaidan and I were talking about his fears, and I hear Jax in the background sobbing and saying "I hate myself because I'm fat." I can't believe I let it go that far I can't believe we took it so far that my poor baby hates himself and it's all my fault, so for this I have to have the surgery, I have to change who I am so that I can change who he is and hopefully in this he sees that it's for health reasons. Hopefully I get the energy to run with him, hopefully I figure out how to feed my family and change our lives. That's the day I decided to have gastric sleeve surgery, if for nothing more than for him. I have to change what we do! I have to get through to him though that the surgery is not the answer. I don't want him to think that he can go through life and eat and eat as much as he wants until he's old enough to have the surgery, and that will fix it. I want him to know that it stops today... now to the hard part, figuring out how to make that happen. Lucky for me I have access to 1 of the best therapist in the area, Mr. Parks is amazing and I've spoken with him and he's agreed to see J. Lord Jesus, I come to you and I pray for my family father, Please comfort Jaxen and help him to keep his personality and gain confidence. I pray he learns to love himself the way everyone else does, help him to see himself through the eyes of those around him and not through fat glasses. Please father be with me as I try to change my families life and be with families who may be suffering from the same thing. I pray that my baby does not have to suffer the way that I have had to suffer. Be with Mr Parks, give him the knowledge to tackle this situation. I pray that you also give me the knowledge and the strength that I need throughout this journey and give Jax the insight to know the surgery is not because I hate myself but because I love myself. Thank you for the opportunities that you've given us and the family that you've given us. In Jesus name, Amen *It is important to note that I later found out he had grown 3 inches throughout the summer ... and weighed 6 pounds less 2 weeks later. Gotta love Clusie L.... So some of her 10 may be uncomfortable or even annoying, but I think I can handle it! I needed to add this video to my blog so that I had something to go back and watch ... to remind me what I am getting into! |
This weight loss is only from June 2015 (I had lost another 51 pounds prior to this)
Blog MissionIt has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I feel like God opened the right doors at the right time. My vision for this blog is not only to document and share my journey with those who care, but also to encourage those who may be following in my footsteps. First and foremost though, I want to give all the glory to God & to focus on his plan for me throughout the journey. What you talkin' 'bout?VSG = Vertical Gastric Sleeve Categories
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