If there is one thing that has made me nervous about this trip, it is the flight. Not being in the air or plunging to my death, I am nervous that I will be too fat for the seat. I have heard all of the horror stories about big people getting kicked off of the flight or being made to pay for an extra seat. I am scared to death that one of these scenarios would happen to me. How Ironic would it be that the one barrier between me and WLS would be my weight. I have to have a seat that accommodates my size, but it has to be affordable. After countless google searches, phone calls and personal experiments I think I have a plan. First I researched seat width, if we fly economy class the seats are 17.2 inches wide and in 1st class they are 21 inches. The price difference is HUGE, so I would like to fly economy if possible. I measured my seat at work, in which I can sit very comfortably, it is 23 inches wide, this scares me ... that is bigger than the biggest airline seat. I then went to the movies in Neosho, I can sit in these seats, not terribly comfortable, but I can do it. I prefer to have a seat between me and my neighbor, but if my neighbor is my hubby I will survive. Today I swallowed my pride and called that theater to ask them the width of their chairs. I was blessed to tears when the man on the other end of the phone offered to measure them for me. I sat on hold for a could of minutes when he returned breathless he described in detail the measurements he had taken. The seats are 17.5 inches wide along the bottom and 25 inches between cup holders! These #'s make me happy, I am hopeful that I can squeeze this behind into the 17.2 inch seat. I found a great resource called www.seatguru.com on this site I was able to enter my flight number and check out passenger comments on the seats. Delta does offer an upgrade to fly economy comfort, which according to the airline gives you extra leg room and a little more room to spread out and is only $30/person, seatguru doesn't seem to completely back these claims but 4 extra inches at the feet is better than nothing. I will also be heeding the advice of Emmie of authenticallyemmie.com , these are her tips, I feel like if she can do it at 455 pounds I can do it at 360.
I read that American Airlines may be the most Big friendly, but I feel like Delta will be just as accommodating, and less expensive. I plan on posting an update after I have actually flown for those of you who are curious about flying yourself.
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Wrapping up a few much needed Christmas shopping items today so Kaid and I stopped in to Maurices. I can remember shopping here in HS and the minute I stepped into the store knew this is where I will be restocking my wardrobe. I know all of you well meaning Maurices pro's are saying "they have plus sized clothes there" ... they do.... but they are cute shaped pluses and do not cover me ... yet. It is moments like this that make be beyond excited to take the plunge! I plan on taking full advantage of the "take 10 card!" Can't wait to go on a shopping spree!
Today I finally got a chance to apply for my passport. I tried to look as Fat Girl as I could in this picture since it will likely be my last legal fat pic OR that's just the way I look, neck rolls and all! I thought the star scarf was a good touch and completely unplanned. I had just bought it minutes before for Jess for Christmas (Shh,) and thought I needed a scarf in the pic so I borrowed it! The fella told me not to smile, so I have, as my sister calls it, a RBF, makes me look mad all the time, ask Michael. There's a lot of "What's wrong?" "nothing, I'm just resting!" convo in my house. I know it is a simple task, and it is necessary for this trip. It is a process that was new to me though and since I intend on this blog being helpful for those who follow me, I think I need to put step by step details in case a fear of the unknown gives someone the excuse to not go through with it. So here it is... What you need to know when applying for your passportIt cracks me up to hear all of the reasons that people have come-up with to try to convince me NOT to have the sleeve. They lump all weightloss surgeries together and they start telling stories about their Aunt/Grandma who had the "Real bi-pass" done and it about killed her, she can't eat bread anymore or she will vomit and since she can't eat bread her arms and legs are the like of very fragile twigs, no chopstick, yea that's right , skinny straight chopsticks with a chunk of chicken hanging off like big wrinkled feet. To be honest, I feel sorry for Aunt/Grandma Twiggy, but I am not too interested in her weightloss freak out ... the bright side is that I don't plan on having the "Real bi-pass" so we're good... right? ANYWAY, I have compiled a list of top 10 reasons people don't want me to get the surgery, and my response ... #10 - Your hair will fall out! It will grow back! I have hair now, I have never seen a case where it doesn't fall out... but if I am the acceptation to the rule, I will rock the hat and wigs! #9 - Your husband may get jealous & your friends and family won't know you anymore. I hope he gets jealous, in a healthy way. We are secure in our relationship, weight loss is the least of our worries. Will I change? SURE! Will they recognize me? Ummm yes! If they know me now they will know me then. #8 - You can't have Soda anymore Yea, and guess what I can't have beer refraining from that hasn't killed me yet. and I can't have greasy food or junk either, that is not something that is going to kill me, however, continuing to consume it might! #7 - People have had WLS and gained it back! I know a guy who cut his hair and it grew back... what's your point ... It is a life style change ... #6 - You LOVE food too much, you will never be able to handle it. You're right, I LOVE food, but not as much as I love my family and myself. After the surgery I will have to handle it, I have no choice, it isn't like they can sew it back on, or give me a donor stomach. There is no turning back & that is exactly the commitment I need to make the change! #5 - Are you even mentally ready to be Skinny? Are you kidding? There is FINALLY hope for me and I can't wait. Of course I was concerned about missing Fat Frick, but I will work through it and find Frick'n Awesome!. Again, I have no choice, what is done is done, and the thought that I can't mentally handle being a skinny girl is laughable when you think about it. #4 - This is the EASY way out! Yep, it is ..... 5 holes cut into my abdomen, a portion of my stomach pulled out through one of those holes. Letting go of so many things that have defined me for so many years. Leaving my kids for a week and flying for the 1st time across the country on the week of my son's basketball tournament. Weeks on a liquid diet, then eating ping pong sized portions, are all easy things to endure. I suppose that you are going to tell the paraplegic that his prosthetic are the easy way, or the woman who just got laser eye surgery that she took the easy way. Maybe the man who had a triple bypass should have just powered through. Nope not buying that one. This will not be easy! #3 - You will have to take Vitamins forever! As opposed to the metformin, the blood pressure pills, the cholesterol pills the insulin shots... Yep I'll take the vitamins. #2 - You could Die ... and so could you, on your way to work or walking out the door or brushing your teeth ... Thanks for that! So very encouraging. I could also die of a heart attack tomorrow. If it is my time, then it is my time. #1 - You can do it on your own! Have you seen my salads? 1/3 lettuce 2/3's toppings and dressing... and my exercise program, 2 laps to the mailbox 2 days in a row ... yep I am really making a commitment to change! OH and for those who worry about the surgery because it is in "Mexico" the bonus answer is for you... Bonus - Why do you have to go to Mexico, they do the surgery in the USA you know. Yes I know. Let me break it down for you ... It's true the hospital is in Tijuana, but it is in Baja California and is completely safe. It is certified by the American Academy of Hospital blah blah blah and it is just as clean as the hospitals her... there are 2 reasons I chose Mexico... #1 They have made it affordable, and #2 I have been telling you all forever I am Mexican... no really, I cannot handle all of the overkill procedures that the US requires, I am all about getting in and getting it done. I have to go drastic to make a difference. This is what will work for me, I am grateful to all of those who have concerns & know you worry, but now you can see that I have weighed the pro's and con's. ..... women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 1 Timothy 5:14 Instead of our regular Sunday night mission visit to Yarbrough, we had to attend our Church because the kids had to practice for the Christmas program. They are studying the Book of 1 Timothy and Brother Jared brought up something that stuck with me. He asked if we knew what it meant in 1 Timothy 5:14 when they say "guide the house" other translations say "manage the House" after a few attempts at explanation from church members he explained that he believes that it is the woman who sets the tone for her home. Her attitude sets the mood. What she does is a direct result of what make the house a home. It hit me, The hormonal issue I have due to my weight really effect my home. They obviously effect my attitude, but they also keep me from doing more to make this place a home. I want my husband and children to feel like this is the one place they can go to retreat. That my attitude will be calm and Christ like in order to set the standards for their future. I can try as hard as I can, but I am expecting the shift in my hormones to be huge. I am expecting an even personality without all of the hormone surges. My attitude about the surgery and weightloss before and after will make a HUGE impact on the health of my family also. It is a lot of responsibility and something no one tells you about. Father God, I ask you to be with me tonight as I prepare my heart for this journey. I pray that the changes it brings in my life and the life of my family set the attitude of the family.Thank you for opening my eyes to what a bad attitude or poor personality might do to my family. I know that it is what I do that will effect who they become. Give me patience and consistency, give me discernment and wisdom everyday Lord to grow them into amazing Husbands and Wives who teach their families to live for You! Let the choices I make influence the choices they make in a positive way. Help me to be the wife my husband deserves. That I am able to set the tone of our home in such a way that he desires to be here. That he experiences overwhelming joy when he is at home and that the stresses of our daily lives do not stand in between us and a loving relationship in which we honor you 1st and foremost. Thank You for Your grace and love, In His Holy Name, Amen Not too long before the proposal of the sleeve I was talking to someone about their newest tattoo. She was super proud of it and completely in love with all the ones she had, she asked me if I had any and my response was 'No, I'd like one but I have never found something I love enough to carry around forever.' Her response was thought provoking, she said, "yes, you have to find something you become completely obsessed with in order to make that kind of commitment." It hit me that this is true for absolutely every single big commitment we make. A few short weeks later, I became absolutely obsessed with the idea of this surgery. It is on my mind every single day, I think this is Gods way of preparing me for the emotional changes I will be making. I am so completely excited to be 92 days away from the day that will change my life! Making some changes on the Blog ... It has become a Buddy Blog! This makes me excited, because now not only do I get to chat with Sunny on Tuesday evening about how we are feeling, but she and I will be blogging together. I cannot wait to read her posts & share in her excitement. Today we talked a bit about our taste buds changing and the fact that foods we currently LOVE may not be foods we can even handle after the surgery. That is a scary thought! What is the one food I cannot live without... ummm ... Steak, stuffing, potato soup ... not really sure I have a "favorite" I LOVE way too many things, but I can tell you not liking any of these again would make me very very sad and I am sure I will morn the loss. It still isn't enough to keep me from the surgery. I found this picture below and I think it explains exactly how I feel, I will keep reminding myself of this! Thanksgiving is it ... The day I condition myself for the entire year! The day I am going to miss the most post-op ! So today I savor it ,.. today I pack it in! We have the honor of celebrating 3 times this year ... 2 down 1 to go! As I pulled the plate higher and higher I honestly couldn't believe how much I was eating thousands & thousands of carb loaded calories. I think it is important to note that I only do dessert on occasion... today was no different ... I enjoyed several servings of homemade cranberry sauce ... yummo! After all these years of stuffing myself I have perfected the art. I noticed when all others were so stuffed they couldn't walk I was over here like .... hmmmm what was so so yummo I need more"
This plate is from party #2 at the Price family feast... I had already dug into whatever was next to the potatoes. Throughout this journey, as I break the news to different people in my life, I discovered reactions are so different. They range from completely shocked and non-supportive to complete compassionate and on board. It's funny how people are either ALL for it or totally against it. I usually don't even start by talking about Mexico, I break them in with the news of the operation, then when the timing is right, I say oh yeah and the operations is in Tijuana. The people who were very supportive, remain supportive, but those who were against it are even more so and tend to blame their apprehension on Mexico. On thanksgiving, I got a text from a friend, it read, - happy thanksgiving, enjoy eating as much as you want of anything.- This person understands my sense of humor & this is the kind of support I appreciate. Just a little comment that says thinking of me every step of the journey. I've said several times that the reason I'm getting the surgery #1 is for my kids ....
I do not want them embarrassed by their mama, and I do not want them following in my footsteps. As you know, Jaxen has had a problem with his weight since he was diagnosed with asthma at about age 2 1/2. He was on steroids and albuterol and he started gaining weight like crazy. When he was on the meds he would eat and eat and eat, when he had an earache or a cough he would eat and eat and eat and it became an obsession with him, like he was filling a void. Sadly, I didn't know enough to stop it, even my pediatrician said, it would be fine we should just maintain as he got taller, Ha no such luck. Today he's a 165 pound 4th grader and for that I'm worried. He wears a mens clothing and it is not fun shopping with him, it is very frustrating for all of us. I love that boy beyond words and nothing he could ever do can change that, I do not ever want him seeing this post and believing otherwise. The truth of the matter is, if I don't do something today I will have a 500 pound 35 year old son, that to me will be devastating, because I know what that weight will bring with it. I feel like he will go through a life of misery, because you see Jaxen, internalizes being fat. I don't remember crying over my weight until I was a teen and it only lasted a minute. In 4th grade alone Jax has cried over his weight countless times. We've been in the dressing room were recently, within minutes, it was like dressing a 15 year old girl and I've been there. I know that you start trying on pants and they don't fit, so you get the next bigger size and it doesn't fit, you keep moving up and eventually you're depressed and just shut down. You hear your siblings in the dressing room next door excited that everything fits, they can pick up their size shirt off the rack and put it on and it fits, they don't have to go back for the next size in the next size and the next size ... eventually you give up trying and you go to the accessories, sunglasses or hats or purses because those will fit no matter what, Kinda. Ultimately, you find yourself sitting by the door, waiting for everyone to finish their shopping while convincing yourself that owning one pair of jeans and 3 shirt are fine , keep your head up and you go on. I have learned to despise shopping and avoid it at all costs. That being said ... I've picked up a few tips and tricks of from being an obese child/person and raising an obese child. I will also share from our journey along the way. I'd like to give some insight to parents who may be going through the same thing.
Bottom line is, it starts with me. I will be posting throughout this journey the things I've learned in raising in a big boy and hopefully by the end of this journey I can celebrate that he, like me, has gotten healthy. I pray everyday that God gives me the wisdom in raising him to teach him what's good and what's not good. Today has been a rough day, a lot to do and a lot of waiting. It is 2 days until my last "fat Thanksgiving" and boy am I excited! It is also 3 days until black Friday so all of the department stores have started their deals. Today while Dacota and I were waiting, I found a scale that was $30 off at Kohls. I have a regular old Walmart scale, sometimes it weighs me and sometimes it says error, sometimes I weight 295 and sometimes I weigh 361, I think that this scale is only set to weigh 370 so I thought maybe I was too heavy for it. So I decided to start my journey with a brand new scale. The scale I found is called Taylor Digital Bathroom Scale (pictured) it will weight up to 400 pounds and it beeps when it is finished. I decided I didn't need anything fancy, nothing that measured BMI or bone mass or memorized 4 different peoples stats. Just a scale that help enough weight and that beeped when it was done, so that I will not continue to move and mess up the results. When I got home I unboxed the new scale, inserted the batteries and read the directions. Stepped on the scales and they beeped ... 293.2 ... WHAT ... so I am not as big as I thought!!! Step off... step on ... beep 295... What? Test it with Kaid..... step on watch feet placement ....beep.... 362.4 .... step off... beep.... 362.4 ... step off... beep.... 362.4 ..... finally some consistency! So here it is the number you have all been waiting for .... my official starting weigh is ... 362.4 pounds ... I cannot believe I am putting this out there for the world to read! Phew... I feel better! Sunny called and paid our deposit, our days are secured and the rooms are secured! I am beyond excited. The last few days I have started realizing exactly how much I will be able to eat once I have the sleeve. That is a bit disturbing, but there is no turning back. I will make it happen! While she paid the deposit, Sunny had to make a few executive decisions, the main one being that we will not go with Dr. Garcia as our main surgeon, but with his partner, Dr. David Vazquez. He has just as much experience as Dr. Garcia, he is just newer to the area, so his cost is less. Dr. Garcia assists him on every single operation and Dr. V assists Dr. G on all of his, so either way we are getting both surgeons. I am very comfortable with this decision, it almost makes me more excited! I did it, I made the decision to change my life ... NOW to tell "My People" ... Who are "My People?" - My People are those who have my back NO MATTER the out come. The people I turn to at a moment's notice and for the most part my very closest family members. I feel like not everyone wants to, nor do they need to hear the details of my every whim, but My People are out of luck, they have no choice! This is how I broke the news all at once in a Facebook group message ..... This is a link to the Dr. I will be using and the facilities ... it answers a lot of questions ... http://www.tijuanabariatrics.com/bariatric-surgery/gastric-sleeve-surgery You are my people so I need you to know .... We have a Date! MARCH 9th, 2015 ... that is the day our lives are set to changes! Step 2 is complete, "Our Girl" is out of the office sick, so we will pay our deposit when she gets back, but we have been assured that our date is set! Feelings Today {Excited} to get this show on the road already {Nervous} the pain will be more than I expect {Uncertain} about how I will react to spending that many days, that far away from my Kids {Wondering} Should I make a living will before I go {Hopeful} that I will gain what I am looking for {Apprehensive} about flying {Eager} to put this behind me {Passionate} about my decision Heavenly Father, I just want to thank you so much for this opportunity. I pray that you are with Sunny and I as we go through this process. Please speak to us along the way sending us sparks of encouragement as we go along. You know our doubts, our fears, and our limitations, please keep us focused, calm & excited not only for the surgery, but in the months that follow. Be with all of the professional staff, even this far ahead, as they prepare to do what they do best, especially our surgeon, pump him full of any knowledge he might need to treat any unique situation that may arise with either one of us. I pray that you use me as a testimony and a witness for you and that all that comes from this journey only glorifies your name, that it makes you famous for what you do! Please be with our families and those who love us, give them the insight to accept what we have decided to do, give them peace as we travel to Mexico and give them patience as we tread unknown waters. and Always always, thank you for putting people and opportunities in my life, and setting events into motion that have lead me to today! I love you and honor you! In Jesus Name, Amen Today Sunny and I had an appointment to chat with our coordinator, we were going to conference call and set the date for the surgery. Today was the day we were set to pay our deposit, to lock in the date, from this day on there would be no turning back! Today, our coordinator messaged me to let us know she was down with the flu, so we would have to hold off on the appointment until tomorrow. I have always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, in fact in my StrengthQuest class I have found that Connectedness is one of my top 5 strengths. So, I couldn't help but take this as a sign; Is this Gods way of telling me that the surgery isn't for me? is the hospital not all it is cracked up to be? It is times like this in the quiet peacefulness after all of the kiddos have hit the sack that I sit and talk to God, just he and I, talking about life, searching my heart, just getting to know each other. It is often that he reveals himself to me through mindless web browsing. Tonight, I just couldn't shake Michael's initial question... "is it biblical?" I had prayed about it and even quoted verses and justified my thoughts to him and others, but I had never searched the thoughts of other Christians. So tonight I searched "A Christian's view on weightloss surgery." I finally did it! I hit submit! Now we wait. This step is like yanking off a bandage ... say a little prayer with the one sitting closest to you and jump. .. at least that's how I did it!
it's the waiting game though that is about to kill me! They say I'll know something within 48 hours... but everytime my email songs I jump... I just need to km know either way what the future holds. I know I must be making Sunny crazy ..... Today my 10 year old son decided to finally get back on the scale, he called me in and we read it together 171 it said ... shock ... sadness ... disappointment in myself! He played football summer long and gained 6 pounds, I can't believe it, when did it come to this? I don't know what to do, it's a downward spiral and we have to get a hold of it. I hate it for him he burst into tears and I all I can do is hug him and move on. I didn't know how to comfort him. That night I talked to my boys about having the surgery and about the reasons I wanted to have the it. We were in the car on the way to pick up our foster daughter. Kaidan and I were talking about his fears, and I hear Jax in the background sobbing and saying "I hate myself because I'm fat." I can't believe I let it go that far I can't believe we took it so far that my poor baby hates himself and it's all my fault, so for this I have to have the surgery, I have to change who I am so that I can change who he is and hopefully in this he sees that it's for health reasons. Hopefully I get the energy to run with him, hopefully I figure out how to feed my family and change our lives. That's the day I decided to have gastric sleeve surgery, if for nothing more than for him. I have to change what we do! I have to get through to him though that the surgery is not the answer. I don't want him to think that he can go through life and eat and eat as much as he wants until he's old enough to have the surgery, and that will fix it. I want him to know that it stops today... now to the hard part, figuring out how to make that happen. Lucky for me I have access to 1 of the best therapist in the area, Mr. Parks is amazing and I've spoken with him and he's agreed to see J. Lord Jesus, I come to you and I pray for my family father, Please comfort Jaxen and help him to keep his personality and gain confidence. I pray he learns to love himself the way everyone else does, help him to see himself through the eyes of those around him and not through fat glasses. Please father be with me as I try to change my families life and be with families who may be suffering from the same thing. I pray that my baby does not have to suffer the way that I have had to suffer. Be with Mr Parks, give him the knowledge to tackle this situation. I pray that you also give me the knowledge and the strength that I need throughout this journey and give Jax the insight to know the surgery is not because I hate myself but because I love myself. Thank you for the opportunities that you've given us and the family that you've given us. In Jesus name, Amen *It is important to note that I later found out he had grown 3 inches throughout the summer ... and weighed 6 pounds less 2 weeks later. Warning - Do not watch this is you are squeamish ... There are those days in our life that we don't think much of at the time, but these are the days that God has constructed to forever change your life. Like the day you bump into your future husband in the line at McDonald's, the day you drive past the for sale sign in front of your future house on a back road, the day you meet the woman who will be the push you need to change your life and the life of your family! 3 1/2 years ago, Michael & I stepped out on faith, we heard a child was in need and agreed that we should help out. That was the beginning, we not only gained a daughter, but met a few awesome people along the way. My favorite by far happens to be a woman I have said from the beginning I would also 'adopt' into our family, in fact Dacota and I have decided she is our honorary Aunt. Even after our time with Sunny ended we kept in touch. Almost 3 yrs later, we are asked to take on another 'Challenge,' again we get to spend some time with Sunny. There is a connection with this woman I can't explain, there are few people who just 'get' me a high level of trust & respect was there from the beginning. Today, I had gone to pick our new Challenge up from a visit & Sunny says .... "I am so excited, I think I am going to go to mexico and have gastric sleeve surgery... come with me!" I did the whole 'yeah, yeah- that'd be nice, but it is so out of my reach - lets sit and dream together though...' thing. I'm not going to lie, I left there thinking, Man that'd be nice, but it is too much for me to handle, for some reason though, I couldn't let it go, I talked about it with everyone, my mom, my sister & BIL, & Michael, I picked up the phone and called my friends just to talk through it. God must have wanted me to really take it into consideration, because it popped up over and over again, and I researched it for an entire week, it was in the front of my mind. At this point, It would take a ton more research & thousands of conversations with those I love and respect before I commit. For now the prospective is nice. |
This weight loss is only from June 2015 (I had lost another 51 pounds prior to this)
Blog MissionIt has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I feel like God opened the right doors at the right time. My vision for this blog is not only to document and share my journey with those who care, but also to encourage those who may be following in my footsteps. First and foremost though, I want to give all the glory to God & to focus on his plan for me throughout the journey. What you talkin' 'bout?VSG = Vertical Gastric Sleeve Categories
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